Why are there still people who will happily pester me to drink when I’ve already said I’m not interested. Why want me to drink against my will… why can’t you people, who drink and know me and know my issues, just respect my decision when I say no to alcohol (on a fucking Tuesday evening after all!) without the childish sarcastic mocking voice ‘oh not on a school night’.
Even people who still smoke are proud of me for giving up smoking. Why can’t it be the same for drinking?
I haven’t even given up completely; I just drink once in a while – when I feel like it.
If I don’t fancy it then I don’t see the point. I won’t force myself just because it’s Friday or dinner at the in-laws or the cat’s birthday. If my body doesn't want to play the game then it doesn't matter what day of the week or occasion it is, and my hangovers couldn't give a shit either. So it’s just me looking out for what’s best for myself, and after several years of self abuse I'm very well educated in what works and what doesn't.
So if I say no to your offer of a wine or prosecco then don’t be offended. It’s far more offensive to try persuade or humiliate me into drinking against my wishes and better judgement!
Don’t pester me in the hope I change my mind just to shut you up (and yes I'm talking to YOU – person who’s name I don’t’ want to mention here, although I could change my mind at a later date and print it here for all to see!) The glee on your muggy face when I change my original ‘no’ into ‘oh yes, go on then’ is not something you deserve to experience any more.
YES I KNOW I AM FUCKING BRILLIANT WHEN I'M DRUNK and more fun than you can shake a stick at, but I hate the way I act, how loud and shouty and sweary I become, cringing and wincing at the memories for days after the event. And the high pitch pain and monstrous mood swings that follow. Why would you put me through that.
Your evil devil sitting on your shoulder pointing and laughing at me and encouraging you to tempt me into drinking. Because you know I’m weak and easily led.
You don’t even realise that I'm ok with not drinking. My body feels the fear and the pain on purpose to discourage me just so I don’t do it too often.. But that would be like someone who hates fish discovering they have an allergy to shrimp. It’s ok, I can live and manage without it. I wont’ fight.
I know its difficult for you to conceive with your glass in your hand and your furrowed confusion in your eyes. So shocked when I say no.
I will only drink when I feel like it and feeling like it gets less and less, day by day, month by month. I never want to be that person who drinks every day. Not again, not like you.